You see this person who I am. I see this person who I am. I am not broken, you can’t break me! You hear my voice my words your eyes roll and you interrupt to say oh here you go again Except going again words of misunderstandingBegging,desperately longing for a look of acceptance from you. Do you see me? DoYou hear me? Cold lonely nights year after year sobbing next to warm body with coldest heart. Trembling woes and deep empty valleys of dark thoughts that consume my body and hold it down strapped to the bed pounding into my skull,your worthless!!! your too much!! you are never ever going to be enough!!! Your disgusting!!! Your pathetic!!! Your desperate and insecure!!!! All the while wanting you to pound into me deep and hard and fuck my pain out of me! But you won’t touch me when I want you too. You think you own me, you use my body when you want me as a Reciprocal to cum In, pleasure yourself and immediately jump off me and shower me off of you and I let you, because I am so desperate to be loved. I thought this was love. Soaking the sheets from the silent tears falling timing My breathe so I won’t have to feel the rejection of crying and being ignored By you at least if I try to hide it won’t hurt so bad. I tell myself. It hurts because I believed you when you said you loved me. That you loved me. The pain hurts more because you loved to take my light from me. When I wasn’t shining and smiling when I needed you, when I was fearful, lost and drowning in my own tears you watched me and laughed. And proceeded to cruelly rub your feet on top mine under the covers In the safety Of my adult bed to taunt me that will be the only affection I will receive from you even though it triggers the memory of my father penetrating me. Confusion it is so fucking wrong. What is this love? Feels like haters deep seeded anger you have decided I deserve. Oh this feeling.ouch this doesn’t feel good. I want to die sometimes. So comfortable And familiar some how though. Suffering silently while wear a mask of this chief I am a foolish man’s wife. See his glory. He gloats. Every night waiting for reassurance of value to be rejected again. roll over fade away leave me to the comforting tears that warm my face. My own hand caressing myself. Do you ever hear your heart beat?! Do you ever hear your heartbeat in your ear reminding your very much alive yet feeling so hollow. I pray for hope. Allow my way to fulfillment and grace. God protect me,guide me and keep me safe. Give me the strength, let me love myself enough to refuse and to never allow myself to endure the trauma bond to be confused for love. Help me let me speak use my voice. let me finish my sentence’s stop degrading and talking to down to me. Let my light shine. Let me feel safe in my home. In my bed in my heart. Let me remind myself of the light inside!