fuck

Yourself

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At the end of 2019 I failed my last class, failed my entrance exam, the birth control I was on was causing me depression (or ill just blame it on that) and a overwhelming feeling of a lousy existence for not doing as I please or allowing myself to do as I please.


I had an unhealthy way of dealing with things and wanted something, better yet someone that comforted and saved me one time my life. Knowing they wanted nothing to do with me I no longer bothered them.


I did however decided to write what I was feeling at every moment. I also got help and realized that theses feelings were not real.


But it was too late someone had read everything I put and used it against me.


As they would drop settle harassing comments that no one would know, I picked up on it and fired back heartless, angry and hurting. Of course anyone would think you’re a narcissist with being paranoid and harassed at any minute everything was offensive and I felt as if everyone was against me.


If they happened to listen in and heard me saying horrible words it’s because they clearly don’t understand how insecurity works.


I’ve never felt above anyone, I have never been the most smartest, the beautiful est, or interesting of people.


What I am is understanding, open to listen and I unfortunately do need social interaction. I have problems with expressing myself to people that know me.


Following me, tormenting me and braking into private things that they shouldn’t have.


I lost all trust with everyone, even my counselor.


This isn’t just a random group of people. They had family, friends and random people to use against me. I had no one. Not one fucking person. Not a friend in the world.


Reaching out was all I had. They would spy on me, they knew where I ran, and they threatened my fuck life.


I went to the cops. They did nothing. I moved. I stop looking in places. The call of names was still present until recently.


Im sure this was just pure entertainment and fun for them. They probably think they’ve done something to change me. They can hold their ego trip. I’ve always and still am me. You just made it harder for me to get through things. You have hurt me and I’ve cried ridiculous amounts of tears wasted on nothing.


I however won’t hold harsh feelings or regrets. Everything happens for a reason.


I think I might know who’s behind everything but I’m not sure and it has taken me down a rabbit hole. Hence why I keep coming on here.





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